Going Commando – is it OK in a heatwave?

In this heatwave the temptation to leave your underwear on the floor and go commando has never been so strong. Apparently around 5% of men go commando all the time, but for us normal folk who don’t practice tantric sex and dress in kimonos, when commuting is the equivalent of shutting your genitalia in a microwave for 30 minutes on ‘bake’, surely now is the time.

And actually there are some genuine health benefits:

1. Avoiding fungal infections, aka jock itch, that love wet, dump environments (shudder).
2. It reduces chafing, which can result in infection. That is, so long as you don’t then wear skinny jeans, or leather trousers, or other nightmarish lower half gear right over your meat and two veg. That’s not going to reduce chafing at all. You might want to apply talcum powder or moisturise if you want to be on the safe side here.
3. It also helps sperm production by keeping the temperature of the testicles lower – they need to be cooler than core body temp, hence them hanging out like that; there is method behind the ugliness.

However, and it is a major HOWEVER, genitals carry a lot of bacteria, so you need to be changing your clothes regularly – put politely, you’ll stink. Make sure you wash your hands and of course wash your bits too, like not just once a day.

And also, don’t go trying on trousers in shops, for pity’s sake.

And of course, the other thing is not to very literally swing it in other people’s faces. Or tell everyone you’ve gone commando like Richard Madeley. Any sense that you’re showing off about it and actually think other people will find is sexy, is a huge mistake. Heatwave or no, it’s fundamentally minging. I mean, we haven’t even talked about the arse factor, come on…