Dads. Sort your f*cking sons out.
Kevin Godlington calls out men to do the right thing to make women safer, starting with the way we bring up our sons.
Once again we find ourselves in the middle of a divided landscape: between leftist feministic rants, and righteous macho hubris from the “it wasn’t me brigade”: All lives matter. Menimism.
I can hear it all, ringing out in the houses of England.
Sarah Everard. The disturbing murder of a wonderfully bright, capable young woman, taken by a sick twisted psychopath. In any part of society there will always be a very small percentage of completely twisted human beings, that carry out the most macabre and deprived murders, and a society like ours, which is one of the most peaceful in the world and well policed, still will be victim to it on occasion. This should not distract us from a wider evolution of societal equality.
Female safety. The larger debate is around how peacefully women can walk on the streets, without harassment, which has now come to the front and centre – it’s a discussion which frankly is long overdue. It seems studies show we’ve not come very far in the last decade.
It is obvious to any right thinking man that the way women and girls are treated on the streets, in pubs, in clubs, by boys and men, is something that we need to fix and fix now.
As a father of two daughters, I have witnessed first hand how boys and men can treat women and girls. Often they’re raised by dads and male role models who think sexually derogatory innuendo is some sort of rite of passage to manhood – and being a tough guy.
I’ve got myself into a number of altercations about this – mainly after 11pm, when some drunk nob thinks he can make gestures to my wife after a nice night out for some drinks. Or once when a posh kid at school (raised by a not-present-dad-banker) used porn to shock my 14 year old daughter. The dad ignored the school’s requests to intervene and talk to his boy, so I took matters into my own hands to get daddy’s attention (gently of course).
The fact is, dads are doing a shit job of raising their sons to be men. Men are busier, unaware of the impact of pornography and the digital world on their young teenage sons. A real man doesn’t make lewd comments to women, a real man doesn’t allow women to feel intimidated or treated like they are potentially at risk, a real man has the emotional intelligence to understand that there are subtle factors at play.
For example, when I’m out late at night and alone, or with blokes, and I see a woman walking towards me I will purposely (and well in advance because I am situationally aware) cross the road to give her a wide birth, and look her in the eyes, smile and acknowledge that she is there with a quick “ good evening”, not making sudden or aggressive movement. It takes only 3 seconds of my time to make sure she feels safe, as I go about my business and leave her to hers.
It’s basic masculinity done well, it’s basic dude stuff!
Why the fuck then do I often see when wandering down the same street 2 to 3 men walking towards a woman who don’t give her the courtesy of moving? She is the one who has to move, and is often then greeted with a wolf whistle, or “ Alright, love” or “ You look nice, where you going?”
Of course I can hear some of you ruminating in the background, “What, why is she out that late?”, “Shouldn’t she being escorted by a man”, or “Shouldn’t she be in a taxi?” Why the fuck shouldn’t a woman be able to walk on the streets of the United Kingdom any time of the day or night? And why should it matter what the fuck she wears? She should be safe regardless.
Come on fellas, you’ve seen this 100 times, right? I have. And on a number of occasions I’ve called it out. I’ve intervened.
There is absolutely no fucking excuse for this behaviour. It is obvious that it is men who commit 99% of all sexual crimes against men, women and children, therefore we are the predator! Not you and me, but the Royal WE! Own it boys, own our sex and species. And let’s encourage the idiots to fix this.
Men need to stop whining about being the victim all the time and accept that we are actually the people that can influence and change this. Being a decent man and applying masculinity into its correct and appropriate term means policing and enforcing this process, so that women feel safe on our streets and don’t feel like they are pieces of meat.
Fathers. Sit your boys down and explain to them how to fucking behave when greeting women in the street. Don’t touch women, uninvited, they don’t need to be touched. Don’t put your arm around them, don’t touch the small of their back, in fact don’t fucking touch them at all – just stand with your socially distanced two metres (hopefully in a post-Covid world we will continue with this 2m safe zone – I also don’t like being touched).
Finally, we as fathers need to teach our boys how to mitigate situations, whistleblow, and call out bad behaviour. Teach them that it’s ok to not go along with the crowd. If they’re at a party, how to act with drunk girls, what consent means, how it’s applied, how to stop others going too far.
This should be Collective movement of manliness speaking out against wankiness.
Sort your sons out. Or someone will.
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