Menopause and how humour can get you taken seriously

When Rudyard  Kipling wrote ‘The Female of the Species’ back in 1911, he was pretty intuitive about discerning the best way for women to engage men. ‘[she] Must command but may not govern – shall enthral but not enslave him’ and even more potently ‘mirth obscene diverts his anger.’ Not that I’m suggesting that I’m talking to a bunch of angry men – bear with me.

There are many that think ‘we’re done’ with this whole menopause malarkey. It’s had its moment, everyone gets it, time to move on. But that’s very far from the truth. And the basic fact of the matter is that we simply can’t do this alone. It’s not enough for women of a certain age to vent in an echo chamber of indignation, irrationality and overheated fury.

The drum I bang is that menopause is not just a ‘woman’s issue’, it’s a subject that everyone should care about and want to be more informed on. But how do we get out of our filter bubble and encourage people to listen and become more involved and more educated?

Isn’t it obvious? We put on a comedy night. Not just any old comedy night. An absolutely belting night of entirely female stand-ups called ‘Menopause: It’s a right laugh.’ We had Mariella Frostrup introducing it, Davina McCall compering it, and one of the most stellar line-up of comedians you could find today – Jo Brand, Jenny Eclair, Jen Brister, Zoe Lyons, Nina Conti, Sara Barron, Thanyia Moore, Laura Smyth, Ria Lina, Isma Almas and Sikisa.

Because comedy creates a connection with the audience and strengthens bonds, it diffuses tension and helps to build rapport. It’s one of the best techniques to bridge otherwise awkward conversations and topics. When we laugh, the reward centre of our brains is flooded with the neurotransmitter dopamine, which engenders deeper focus and better long-term retention. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals, and endorphins promote an overall sense of wellbeing (it can even temporarily relieve pain). The moment the audience laughs with you, they connect with you – it’s the perfect social glue.

So, using humour not only makes what we have to say more engaging in the moment, it also makes it more memorable after the event. That’s what we want and need – more people not just hearing, but remembering. Our brilliant comedians used the humour of this particular time of life into a powerful tool for truth. Comedy has that glorious ability to disarm and engage, but also to provoke critical thinking. When the laughter died down, we wanted the audience to find themselves asking why it was funny in the first place. They were getting the unbiased truth, perhaps even before they were ready to hear it.

Here are some of the gems:

‘Menopause is basically like being gaslit by your own body.’ – Laura Smyth

‘You might have the money to spunk on a sports car, but you don’t have the hips to get in and out of it any more.’ – Zoe Lyons

‘I’m half human, half Rennie. Chalk from the waist down.’ – Jenny Eclair

‘Hot flushes? You feel like you’re being microwaved.’ – Jen Brister

‘I am looking forward to being menopausal. I’m going to be honest with you, I think putting men on pause is fucking smart as shit.’ – Thanyia Moore

Menopause is still a hugely misunderstood, misdiagnosed and challenging hormonal disruption that can go on for more than a decade. This is something half the population will go through, and you will all know someone going through it – whether that’s colleagues, friends, clients, suppliers, flatmates, mothers and aunts. There are staggeringly more than 50 quite extensive and diverse symptoms, and one in 10 women quit their jobs because they are not getting the support and understanding they need. Tragically, women between 45-55 are the highest cohort of suicide in women.

I’ve been struggling with various symptoms of menopause now for more than 5 years – things that I’d never really experienced before in my life, but have found hugely debilitating, particularly at work. Anxiety, word holes, 3-hour-long hot flushes, aching joints, numb fingers, itchy skin, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness – the list goes on. From a personal perspective, I have only coped with it because I have talked about it openly, and colleagues at work have supported me every step of the way, despite being significantly younger, and plenty of them male. They know they are not ‘mansplaining’ when they jump in with words or names to stop me flailing; they jump up and put the aircon on when I frantically start removing layers of clothes; they are kind, understanding and supportive, and it means everything.

We’re hoping to get our comedy night broadcast during world menopause month in October – so look out for it, and get ready to get yourselves involved. It matters more than you can imagine.

And if you need any more convincing to support us, laughter also boosts the immune system, improves resistance to disease, protects the heart, improves blood flow, decreases stress hormones, and burns calories. ‘Nuff said.

Melissa Robertson is CEO of creative agency Dark Horses and a Director of Menopause Mandate